“A funny thing happened to me this morning,” said my nephew Robert from his hospital bed.
We – the circle of family members around his bedside – couldn’t fail to notice that he could hardly contain his laughter at the memory (luckily Robert was well enough to be amused).
“What happened?” someone asked (it might have been me) as we all waited with anticipation for him to continue.
“Well, a couple of young student doctors asked if I would mind them using me as a guinea pig. All I had to do was answer some questions and be examined. I didn’t mind…” Robert said.
“No, of course not,” said my sister, “I always agree to such requests.”
There was much nodding and noises of agreement around the circle and then we all looked back at my nephew to give him our full attention.
“They stood at the end of my bed and started giggling,” he continued.
“Giggling?” five pairs of eyes looked amazed.
“I know, I, too, thought it was an odd thing. Maybe I was their first patient – I don’t even know why they chose me,” Rob said.
All eyes scanned the ward and Liz said the obvious:
“Probably because you’re the youngest man by far on the ward!”
“By about forty years,” added Katie.
“Anyway, one of the student doctors was the time-keeper and the other asked the questions – for ten minutes exactly. I knew what they wanted to know so I gave full answers that sometimes saved the student doctor from having to ask the next two or three questions on the list. It was a bit of fun for me and they remarked how helpful I was. Then the questioner asked if I minded being examined…”
“Were you naked?” I asked.
“No,” said Robert and he lift his shirt to show his stomach, “just like this.”
We nodded approval.
“Now on to the funny bit,” Rob grinned. “At first I wondered what was happening as the student doctor knelt down on the floor beside my bed and reached up over the side to examine me.”
The patient made humourous gesticulations and his audience laughed riotously around the bedside. Then some of us looked guiltily about the ward at the old men who were not in on the joke. One not quite so old man caught my eye and and smiled.
” Anyway, I asked ‘Why are you doing that from down there?’ and the student doctor told me that they weren’t allowed to hover over patients in case they fell on them and hurt them. I didn’t like to say that the consultant always raises the bed rather than fall to the floor,” said Robert.
“How was the examination?” one of us inquired.
“Did it hurt?” someone else asked.
“Not at all,” Rob beamed, “she had nice soft hands and she was really quite attractive!”
Incidentally, the patient is back home and in his own bed tonight. Thankfully, he is expected to make a full recovery. Sadly for my nephew, who is a gifted singer and song-writer, he had to cancel his concert in Exeter tonight.
