Wake Up

I had been lying awake in bed for quite some time, still with my eyes shut but aware of the light of the new day pervading through the curtains. My hopes of getting back to sleep again had long gone and instead of fretting I lay there, lovely and comfy in my soft cocoon of fresh white cotton, thinking about the past weekend. One day soon I’ll recount the tale of how Henry and I nearly didn’t make it to Gemma and Blake’s wedding on time (a journey into the unknown reaches over the border into New South Wales!) but I shall need a little more time for the telling than I have now. Suffice to say, Saturday was a day of both terror and delight for at least two people attending the sumptuous wedding.

So, as the sun gained strength outside, I thought about the wedding and then I thought about yesterday and my meeting with Jan and Neil at Birkdale – they are the lovely couple for whom I shall be house-sitting next week. I was thinking how pleasant it will be to stay there when suddenly… I heard the screech of brakes and a crash.

“Oh my God!” I shouted and jumped out of bed. I donned a pair of harem trousers and thong sandals, grabbed my mobile phone, met Lita on the landing, and I rushed down the stairs and out of the house (time was of the essence).

Sure enough, there at the busy intersection was an injured ute (one of those half car/half truck vehicles); happily the driver and had managed to get the ute off the road and onto the pavement.The other car was just around the corner and the two drivers were stood together talking. A young woman, dressed not dissimilarly to me, had arrived on the scene.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m okay,” he said and we all turned to look at his ute, which was smashed in the front and bleeding profusely.

“Want a cup of tea?” I offered.

“No, I’d better phone the police,” he said tapping at his phone and he smiled bravely, “I needed a day off anyway.”

The other chap smiled (he didn’t need a cup of tea either) and the pretty blonde said she’d like to go back to bed. I had long since given up any idea of going back to sleep, and now, after writing this, it really is time to get up!

(And here are a few shots of the blushing bride!)

 

Happiness is…

It was as if time had stood still and we had seen each other only yesterday. Not only did Mason remember me, he greeted me with kisses and asked if he could buy me another ring – he’s such a romantic. Of course, I had to furnish him with the fifty-cent piece for the machine and Roland had to drive us to our favourite cafe on the seafront at Lota. Uncle Henry (alias Doctor Henry – when Mason frets about being ill) came too and we all enjoyed the lovely sea breeze while we lunched on one of the outside tables.

Happiness for Mason is a lunch of chips and tomato sauce, a tropical “slush puppy” and an ice-cream  followed by a visit to the play park at Wynnum wading pool. Happiness for three doting adults is simply watching the joy on Mason’s face.

On the way back in the car to Bill’s young Mason had a word in my ear:

“Sawy”, (that’s Sally), “Is Uncle Henry a doctor?”

“What do you think?” I asked, not wishing to admit to any subterfuge from the past.

“Yes,” he said, not wishing to make me feel awkward.

We looked at each other and giggled. I’m still wearing the silver ring he gave me… oh bliss!

Somebody to Love

In the early hours of yesterday morning I awoke with a picture of Lily the cat in my mind. There she was, looking very fat and fluffy, sat on the concrete floor of the carport (here at Bill and Lita’s place in Tingalpa) and Freddie Mercury was singing “Can anybody find me somebody to love?”. Jetlag? Well maybe, that would certainly have accounted for the hour of waking but the rest is down to something Lita’s mum said to me the day before.

In case you don’t know, Celing (not to be confused with ceiling), who originates from the Philippines, is an avid gardener and great help around the house; she is also one of the cutest, happiest little old ladies you could wish to meet – always singing or whistling about her tasks – but her English is fairly limited.

“Lily is my company,” Celing said smiling as I stopped to stroke the cat in the carport.

Bill was working in the garage, the boys were out at work, Lita was helping the girls with Gemma’s wedding preparations for this Saturday, I was in and out doing my own thing – everyone was busy – and Celing, having just hung out the washing, was sitting in the half-shade where the carport edges onto the lawn. Lily the cat preferred the full shade but, of course, she would feel the heat with all that fur.

Maybe Lily has a bit of Persian in her, yet she manages to look more tabby than exotic. Some years ago, in a heatwave, William and I decided to give Lily a hair cut – an occasion we still laugh about… My nephew held Lily and coaxed her with soft words (he’ll make a good husband one day) but she didn’t like being cornered (who does?) and she didn’t like the look of those scissors. I’m afraid we didn’t have any hairdressing scissors, and we couldn’t use the kitchen scissors, and the shears just pulled (we tried), so we had to persevere with an old pair of the stiff and blunt variety. I felt so guilty when the fur got caught in the scissor action and the poor cat tried to make a dash for it – it reminded me of the days when Chris and I were first married, and I didn’t have hairdressing scissors… Ah the good old days! Don’t worry, William and I gave up and Lily sported a punk hairstyle for a while.

So, back in bed, I counted my blessings and thought how lucky I am to have a wonderful family and friends, and good health; although it had been my birthday the day before, I had managed not to think even once about the actual number of years. I went back to sleep and awoke at six-thirty – a much better time – to a beautiful morning. And a little later, when on the phone and pacing around the garden, I noticed that Lily the cat was following me. When I stopped she stopped. She may not be the most attractive of cats – she’s certainly no pampered Persian – but she’s rather nice to stroke and not bad company. Definitely somebody to love.

Somebody To Love Lyrics

from Greatest Hits

Queen - lyrics Greatest Hits Other Album Songs
Can anybody find me somebody to love

Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord what you’re doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work till I ache in my bones
At the end (at the end of the day)
I take home my hard earned pay all on my own
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord somebody (somebody), ooh somebody
(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?

(He works hard)
Everyday (everyday) I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I’m going crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Ah, got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe in
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oh Lord
Ooh somebody, ooh somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Can anybody find me someone to love)

Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing)
I’m OK, I’m alright (he’s alright, he’s alright)
I ain’t gonna face no defeat (yeah yeah)
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day (someday) I’m gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love love love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Somebody somebody somebody somebody
Somebody find me
Somebody find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Find me somebody to love)
Ooh
(Find me somebody to love)
Find me somebody, somebody (find me somebody to love) somebody, somebody to love
Find me, find me, find me, find me, find me
Ooh, somebody to love (Find me somebody to love)
Ooh (find me somebody to love)
Find me, find me, find me somebody to love (find me somebody to love)
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Somebody find me, find me love

Songwriters
MERCURY, FREDDIE

Published by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Read more: Queen – Somebody To Love Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Fancy That

My flight to Brisbane may not have been the most thrilling of journeys but it was certainly the most boring! And it was dark (although this extra snippet of information has nothing to do with the subject of my blog post and serves only to set the picture in your imagination). Not long before the day of my departure a friend asked if I would be flirting on the flight – well I wonder where she got that notion? – fancy that! Sadly, I didn’t fancy that at all. The thing is that you don’t plan these things, they just happen.

Truth to tell, as I had slept but little on the two preceding nights I was far more interested in sleeping than flirting, which was a pity for me because I didn’t manage to do much of that either; besides, “chance would be a fine thing”, as they say, for neither Brad Pitt, nor Rocky, were in evidence on either of the flights.

On the first leg – Heathrow to Dubai – I was in the aisle seat of one of the central rows and I relished the sight of the empty seat next to me; my pleasure would have been further enhanced had the dour man in the third seat along to my left moved into the the vacant aisle seat on his side. The man, who was around forty, didn’t budge. He just sat there, motionless with eyes shut tight, without speaking. He acknowledged me only once during the entire seven hours – a wave of disdain because I asked him if he would like the drink that the stewardess offered. The stewardess and I looked at each other and smiled; it was her first walk through the aisles after takeoff. Nobody bothered him again. I talked to David – the man from Sydney, who was married with four children, who had been to university, who was one of those specialists who are sent to investigate the causes of building site disasters, who writes reports, who is a thoroughly good egg and pleasant chap – until my neck hurt and I had to change position (how I would have loved to stretch out… if the miserable one had moved along!).

The long leg to Brisbane was fully booked; the seats were even narrower (a different plane) and my aisle seat was at first occupied by a large young man who resembled Genghis Khan (except for the baseball cap).

“I believe you’re in my seat,” I said.

His big blank face looked at me dumbly and he didn’t move.

“I paid extra to have that aisle seat,” I explained.

Still no word or movement, not a glimmer of recognition.

“He’s in my seat,” I told the stewardess.

“Sir, your seat is the other one,” the stewardess pointed to the next seat.

Young Genghis took the hint and, without speaking, soon filled the correct seat. In fairness, he chose to let me use the skinny armrest between us and he crossed his big arms over his stomach, resting them there for most of the fourteen hour haul. But that was the limit of his good manners….

“Would you like a drink?” asked a hostess.

“Cook,” came his reply.

“Cook?” repeated the astonished Aussie.

“I think he means Coke,” I translated and he nodded.

“Thank you!” I said pointedly to the stewardess.

Genghis was impervious to the pointer.

After several hours of eating, sleeping (a little in my case) and watching movies in such close quarters, I felt I ought to initiate some kind of conversation.

“Are you Russian?” I asked with a cheery smile.

Blankness.

“Not Russian then”, I thought.

“What country do you come from?” I asked slowly.

Nothing.

“What language you speak?”

“Dutch,” he said abruptly and that was it.

“That’s strange,” I thought to myself, “the Dutch are usually so gifted at languages.”

Later on the Aussie stewardess came around with more beverages.

“Tea, or coffee? Or perhaps a cold drink?” she asked looking at Genghis.

“Wasser,” he said.

The Aussie looked blank.

“I think he wants water,” I looked at him.

He nodded.

I had a little laugh to myself – he must have said Deutsch, not Dutch. He was a German. I know, I was inordinately amused but when one is terribly uncomfortable, tired and bored one must make the most of the slightest of ironies. Yes, fancy that!

Not Russian then?

Not Russian then?

 

The Fountain of Youth

 This came in with Chris’s Emails this morning!

These four older ladies who lived in Naples always sat outside Together near the church and chatted about when they were younger. One month ago they pooled their money together and bought a laptop.

Laptop brings new hope

Maria used to be a femme fatale

 

 

Never having been to, but having heard all about Florida, they just happened to click on St. Augustine , Florida. They read all about the Fountain of Youth, claimed by the Spaniards when they arrived there.

 

They collected up all they had left and sent for four bottles of the water. As soon as it arrived, they drank as directed. The rest of this story will make you a believer, because here they are today…

They were transformed to their former selves!

They were transformed to their former selves!

No. This is TRUE! Really!

Would we lie to you?

We have a limited supply of this water available at the incredibly low price of just $199.95 a bottle.

Seriously.

HURRY BEFORE THE INVENTORY RUNS OUT!

Make checks payable to:

Democratic National Committee.

You can trust us, you know we would NEVER lie to you especially about your Healthcare.!!!

 

G-Man

The Empty Seat at Twickenham (A Joke)

   Apparently, so our friend Roland in Brisbane told me, there was a rugby union final in Twickenham at the weekend and Australia and New Zealand were the finalists (hooray! Nice to know that the team from my homeland is doing well, even though they lost to their neighbours – not that I know anything about rugby union!). Anyway, Roly said that the stadium was jam-packed with rugby fans and supporters, which is why it was so strange that there was one seat vacant…

Before the match began the two men sat either side of the empty seat struck up a conversation.

“I wonder why that seat it empty,” said one of the men.

“It’s not a mystery,” answered the other man, “I bought two tickets – that seat was intended for my wife. Sadly, she couldn’t make it because she died recently.”

“Oh dear, how tragic to die before the cup final! I am sorry to hear that but it’s a wonder to me that no other family members wanted to use her ticket. Surely you have a brother or son who would have jumped at the chance?”

“Yes, they would have loved to come but they didn’t feel able… they are at the funeral.”

A Bit of a Joker

I used to be something of a party animal in my youth and I’ve always enjoyed dressing up because you can really let your hair down at fancy-dress parties and carnivals. Over the years I’ve been a cave woman, a castaway, a saloon girl, a spider (rather than Spider-woman), an Indian squaw, a little Dutch girl (with plaits that curled upwards), a Victorian lady, Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, a fairy (in a tutu), a gypsy (several times), a clown with a hula hoop for a trouser waistband (a handsome American told me I was the “cutest clown” he’d ever seen), Groucho Marx, a belly dancer (particularly when I was a belly dancer!), a hippie (many times, especially when I was at art college), a harem girl, Dame Edna Everage, a ghoul, a vampire and a witch (several times, especially on bad hair days) – and that is all I can bring to mind immediately – oh, and I nearly forgot… my friend Caroline and I dressed up as St Trinian’s girls for a vintage cycling event in June.

Anyway, my point is that, as a lover of dressing up, I really can’t knock others who enjoy to dress up; nevertheless… I can’t help but wonder if the townsfolk of Newton Abbot (where we go shopping most Saturdays) haven’t taken Halloween a bit far this year. Never before have I met so many ghouls, witches, monsters, corpses, pumpkins and ghosts out shopping as I did this morning. Strangely, my mum (who is rather outspoken in the normal run) didn’t “batter” an eyelid (we were looking forward to fish and chips ) at any of the weird spectacles (or spectres) we came across in our favourite Tescos store; but of course she is has very poor sight, so poor that she couldn’t see the price on the “Butcher’s specialiaty”.

“How much is that?” she asked pointing her stick at the joint on the counter.

“Mum it’s a plastic sawn off arm,” I said.

“Oh,” she said matter-of-factly and then she thought about it and gave a giggle.

A little later I was waiting for our order of take-away fish and chips when a young couple entered the fish and chip shop. The lad had a white face and black stitches painted around his neck whilst the girl (wearing a purple curly wig, tartan jumper and a frilly purple lace mini-skirt over black leggings with stripey socks) had a white face and wide painted on red lips turned up at the corners (like “The Joker” in Batman). The Frenchman owner of the establishment, who was serving (we are very cosmopolitan in Devon these days), looked up to welcome the customers as walked through the shop to the restaurant area. His eyes widened with surprise for a moment.

“You look nice!” he said to the girl joker.

She didn’t smile behind her painted sardonic (not sardinic, as befits a fish shop) smile but continued walking.

The diplomatic Frenchman looked down and, as he wrapped my order, he tried to stifle a smile. He felt me watching him and met my own smile, which invited a grin.

 

By the way… Did you hear about the tortoise that was attacked by two thug snails? The tortoise went into the police station and said, “I want to report an assault. I was attacked by two snails!”

“What did they look like? Can you describe them?” asked the police officer at the desk.

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t – it all happened so fast!”

 

The Snail Trail

Everything has been running a bit slow at No.5 this morning, not only because of the gloominess of the grey day, but also on account of our colds, especially mine (which is worse than Chris’s).

While I was on my phone a little earlier my eyes were drawn to something brown on the wall outside on the balcony. At first I thought it was a dead leaf stuck on the rough surface but, no, the brown thing moved, and it was heading towards a plant pot. I marvelled that he must have been on the go all night, climbing up the exterior wall to the top of the balustrade; nevertheless, the plants being my priority, I braved the wet outdoors to deal with the stoical slimy snail. In honour of his achievement in almost reaching his goal I took his photograph once on the wall and again on the balustrade, where I placed him in order that he might see the extent of his travails; but he was nervous and tucked his head under his shell. Shortly he was sent flying through the air and into a neighbour’s garden.

Talking of snails and things going slowly, recently a bachelor friend of mine hired an Eastern European lady to do the cleaning. Her work in the kitchen and bathroom was absolutely fine; likewise, dusting and bed-making were jobs that she breezed through. In fact, all chores were done well and within the usual time frame one would normally expect those jobs to take – all except for the hoovering… The new cleaning lady took an astronomical fifteen hours to hoover my friend’s two-bedroom house! He should have been more careful when he looked at her particulars – she was a Slovak!

As Easy as Falling off a Cliff

It’s really quite easy to fall off a cliff inadvertently – I’ve nearly done it twice! And both times the incident occurred when I was taking photographs. The first time was the more frightening because I did actually slip over the edge; I was resting precariously (on my back) over the cliff (rocks beneath) – a little like the coach in the film “The Italian Job” – but luckily the greater part of my body was still on the clifftop. Nevertheless, I was afraid to move and I lay there with my arms stretched above me as I waited for Chris to jump the fence and rescue me; either he was really strong or I didn’t weigh quite so much then (this was several years ago in Brittany).

The second time happened today. The sun was shining and beckoned me to go out walking in spite of my cold (I was cooped up all day yesterday). We had parked at a beautiful spot called Coombe Cellars, a mile or two from the mouth of the River Teign, and we followed the Templar Way footpath that runs along the fields above the river bank; the hedges were high and we could hardly see the river through the foliage so, when we found a style that came onto a woodland path that led down to the river, we crossed it. The autumn leaves glowed red and yellow in the shafts of sunshine that filtered through the trees and, whilst Chris walked ahead, I lagged behind taking photos. At a particularly pretty point I veered toward the edge of the track and, as I held the camera up to take a shot, my right leg reached out… and stayed in the air for longer than expected. I extended my foot and found dry leaves over the curve of the cliff beneath them; and in a deft movement I swung my leg back onto terra firma.

“You could have died if you’d fallen,” Chris tutted, “it’s high here”.

I laughed nervously as I looked down through the trees to the water. I had been lucky. Shortly, we had to traverse a fallen tree trunk to get back to the main track:

“Will you be alright going over this?” Chris asked warily.

But it was okay – the fallen tree was fairly big and I decided not to take photos whilst going over it. You could say it was “as easy as falling off a log”.

“I always like to take a trunk road,” Chris quipped (when I was safely back on solid ground again).