Just One Cornetto?

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Just One Cornetto?

We’re heading towards a checkout counter at Tesco when I begin to feel a bit embarrassed. I’ve just glanced into our shopping trolley and noticed that it’s not one of our most “proud to go to the counter with our healthy food” days – there isn’t a cucumber or lettuce leaf in sight. In fact, there isn’t as much as usual in the trolley (we’re trying to cut down) but what is in there nearly all came from the freezer cabinets. Well, it is a hot day.

“The man at the checkout will think we’re addicted to ice cream,” I whisper in Chris’s ear as we arrive at the counter.

Chris smiles. He’s not at all addicted to ice cream. I was the one who filled the trolley.

“Hello. What a lovely hot day!” says the forty-year-old at the checkout as we begin to empty our trolley onto the moving surface of the counter.

“Ah,” I think, “he thinks we’re ice cream addicts.”  I’m glad Chris is with me so I don’t look a desperate addict on my own.

The two packs of Raspberry Smoothies beep past the scanner, then the Mango Smoothies (another two packs – cheaper by the twos), then the Mango and Yogurt Ices (Home brand but very acceptable) followed by the gluten-free strawberry cones (for health freaks).

“You must think we’re addicted to ice cream,” I say sheepishly.

“I don’t care too much for ice cream myself,” replies the assistant.

“They aren’t all for us,” I say, “we’re expecting visitors.”

The box of six fruit flavoured water-ices are about to reach the hand of the checkout man when we are all distracted by a man’s voice.

“Hello!” beams a young man whose face is not completely unfamiliar to me but I can’t place how I know him.

The young man seams to know me. He is walking up to me. He is standing next to me, expectantly. He looks like he wants me to greet him with a kiss. What the heck! I give him a kiss on the cheek and it dawns on me how I know him…

 

When shopping in Tesco a few weeks ago, and Chris was perusing items in a different aisle, I heard two men talking about a girl with a “beautiful smile”. Fascinated, I went to the end of the aisle and popped my head around to see who they were talking about.

“That’s her!” said the young chap.

I had thanked them with a wave and carried on shopping… once I had got over the pleasant surprise. Well, he was no Brad Pitt but it’s still nice to be appreciated by a much younger man.

 

“I remember you,” I say to the young chap I have just kissed.

“Where’s my kiss?” asks my husband.

They have a man-hug and we’re all laughing, including the man at the counter.

“I think I’m going to start eating lots of ice cream from now on,” says the checkout man theatrically.

And he scans a pack of Double-Chocolate Cornettos (half price), which I know Chris will enjoy even though he isn’t an ice cream addict.

“Just one Cornetto, give it to me. Delicious ice-cream from Italy….” Remember the adverts? My admirer probably isn’t old enough to remember.

 

 

Work, Work, Work

We’ve painted the outside of our house and now we’re painting the house of one of our lovely neighbours. Our guest from Australia is proving invaluable up a ladder (he’s used to the heat) and also Roly turns out to be a dab hand at making pasta (but rubbish at stringing runner beans – shh!). In-between all the jobs we still manage to find some time every day to sit on the terrace and take in the beauty of the sea and the sky before us, and I have my mobile with me in order to capture some of the special moments. There isn’t much time left in which to write!

But before I finish I’ll tell you something funny that Roland said the other day… Chris, Roland and I were talking about relationships and the things that matter when it comes to finding that perfect mate.

“I know I’m not perfect,” I began, “I’m fat and ugly…”

I was about to spout forth some wisdom when Roly interrupted me:

“That’s the least of your problems!”

Of course he said it with a wicked smile and I laughed uncontrollably for several minutes.

A Sunbeam, a Sunbeam

“A sunbeam, a sunbeam, Jesus wants me for a sunbeam,” came a voice from above.

I didn’t look up. I knew exactly who it was and, besides, I was getting on with my own thing at the time. Actually, I was kneeling down – not in prayer – but painting the bottom of the bay window leading out onto our terrace (ironically, men always think women love to paint the bottom bits of everything just because we’re shorter when we’d much rather be hanging onto the top of a ladder!). Roly, our house-guest from Australia, was the one hanging onto the top of the ladder at the time and Chris was hanging onto the bottom of the ladder, making sure that it was kept stable.

“A sunbeam, a sunbeam, I’ll be a sunbeam for him,” Chris and I responded in unison from our respective lowly positions.

For a little while we were quiet, each of us lost in a private reverie inspired by the old Sunday School song. I thought of the Gospel Hall at Gumdale, Brisbane, where the Porch children sang that song with gusto nearly every Sunday morning at one stage of my early childhood. I smiled to myself.

A few minutes later, and now onto the window sill, the voice from above rang out again (on this occasion slightly unsure of the tune):

“Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!”

“How does the tune go, Roly? Can’t you sing a bit more?” I implored.

“No, I can’t remember how it goes,” our friend shouted down from his lofty position near the gutter.

“What about you, Chris? Do you know how it goes?” I said to Chris, without turning to him because I was cutting along a tricky edge under the window.

“No, I can’t remember,” Chris probably fibbed.

“But you should know, considering your grandfather was a parson,” I goaded.

“But I didn’t even know my grandfather…. and he was a vicar, not a parson, and my uncle was a canon,” my husband informed me (as he usually does whenever I insist that he should know something pertaining to the church).

“What’s the difference?” I asked (as usual).

“Well, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you but a vicar is Church of England and a parson is a clergyman from other Protestant denominations…”

“But isn’t the Church of England Protestant? Was that your Uncle Wally?” I queried (twice).

Then Chris answered the last question by doing an an impression of his Uncle Wally the canon – “May I take a bath?” – and Chris and I laughed. Roland didn’t laugh because he doesn’t know Orpwood family “in-house” stories and jokes, or maybe he chuckled from the top of the ladder and we didn’t hear him.

Anyway, Roland was our “Sunbeam” and for the next few days he will continue helping us paint our house – and the neighbour’s – to ensure his place nearer to God. We do like to save our guests from getting bored on holiday. After all…

Proverbs 16:27-29Living Bible (TLB)

27 Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece.[a]

 

And here are some photos…

 

Nearer, My God, to Thee

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Cartoon depicting a man standing with a woman, who is hiding her head on his shoulder, on the deck of a ship awash with water. A beam of light is shown coming down from heaven to illuminate the couple. Behind them is an empty davit.

“Nearer, My God, To Thee” – cartoon of 1912

Nearer, My God, to Thee” is a 19th-century Christian hymn by Sarah Flower Adams, based loosely on Genesis 28:11–19,[1] the story ofJacob’s dream. Genesis 28:11–12 can be translated as follows: “So he came to a certain place and stayed there all night, because the sun had set. And he took one of the stones of that place and put it at his head, and he lay down in that place to sleep. Then he dreamed, and behold, a ladder was set up on the earth, and its top reached to heaven; and there the angels of God were ascending and descending on it…”

The hymn is well known, among other uses, as the alleged last song the band on RMS Titanic played before the ship sank.

Lyrics[edit]

The lyrics to the hymn are as follows:[2][3][4]

“Jacob’s Dream”, artwork on the campus of
Abilene Christian University.

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me;
Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Chorus: Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
Yet in my dreams I’d be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, etc.
There let the way appear steps unto heav’n;
All that Thou sendest me in mercy giv’n;
Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, etc.
Then with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise,
Out of my stony griefs Bethel I’ll raise;
So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, etc.
Or if on joyful wing, cleaving the sky,
Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upwards I fly,
Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, etc.

A sixth verse was later added to the hymn by Edward Henry Bickersteth Jr. as follows:[2]

There in my Father’s home, safe and at rest,
There in my Saviour’s love, perfectly blest;
Age after age to be, nearer my God to Thee,

Nearer, etc.

Text and music[edit]

1881 sheet music cover

The verse was written by the English poet and Unitarian hymn writer Sarah Flower Adams at her home in Sunnybank, Loughton, Essex, England, in 1841. It was first set to music by Adams’s sister, the composer Eliza Flower, for William Johnson Fox‘s collection Hymns and Anthems.[5]

In the United Kingdom, the hymn is usually associated with the 1861 hymn tuneHorbury” by John Bacchus Dykes, named for a villagenear Wakefield, England, where Dykes had found “peace and comfort”.[6][7] In the rest of the world, the hymn is usually sung to the 1856 tune “Bethany” by Lowell Mason. British Methodists prefer the tune “Propior Deo” (Nearer to God), written by Arthur Sullivan (of Gilbert and Sullivan) in 1872.[8] Sullivan wrote a second setting of the hymn to a tune referred to as “St. Edmund”. Mason’s tune has also penetrated the British repertoire.[9]

The Methodist Hymn Book of 1933 includes Horbury and two other tunes, “Nearer To Thee” (American) and “Nearer, My God, To Thee” (T C Gregory, 1901–?),[10] while its successor Hymns and Psalms of 1983 uses Horbury and “Wilmington” by Erik Routley.[11] Songs of Praise includes Horbury, “Rothwell” (Geoffrey Shaw) and “Liverpool” (John Roberts/Ieuan Gwyllt, 1822–1877)[12] Liverpool also features in the BBC Hymn Book of 1951[13] and the Baptist Hymn Book of 1962 (with Propior Deo)[14] The original English Hymnal includes the hymn set to Horbury,[15] while its replacement New English Hymnal drops the hymn. Hymns Ancient and Modern included Horbury and “Communion” (S S Wesley),[16] although later versions, including Common Praise, standardise on Horbury.[17]

Other 19th century settings include those by the Rev. N. S. Godfrey,[18] W. H. Longhurst,[19] Herbert Columbine,[20] Frederic N. Löhr,[21]Thomas Adams,[22] Stephen Glover,[23] Henry Tucker,[24] John Rogers Thomas,[25] and one composed jointly by William Sterndale Bennett and Otto Goldschmidt.[26] In 1955, the English composer and musicologist Sir Jack Westrup composed a setting in the form of an anthem for four soloists with organ accompaniment.[27]

RMS Titanic and SS Valencia[edit]

“Nearer, My God, to Thee” is associated with the sinking of the RMS Titanic, as some survivors later reported that the ship’s string ensemble played the hymn as the vessel sank. For example, Violet Jessop said in her 1934 account of the disaster that she had heard the hymn being played;[28] Archibald Gracie IV, however, emphatically denied it in his own account, written soon after the sinking, and wireless operator Harold Bride said that he had heard “Autumn”,[29] by which he may have meant Archibald Joyce‘s then-popular waltz “Songe d’Automne” (Autumn Dream).[28] In feature films based on the Titanic disaster, the “Bethany” version was used in the 1929 film Atlantic and the 1943, 1953 and 1997 films titled Titanic, but the “Horbury” version was played in the 1958 film, A Night to Remember.[8]

Wallace Hartley, the ship’s band leader, who went down with the ship (as did all other musicians on board), liked the hymn and had wished to have it performed at his funeral. As a Methodist Briton, he was familiar with both the “Horbury” and “Propior Deo” versions but would not likely have used “Bethany”. His father, a Methodist choirmaster, used the “Propior Deo” version at church. His family were certain that he would have used the “Propior Deo” version,[30] and it is this tune’s opening notes that appear on Hartley’s memorial[29][31] and that were played at his funeral.[30] However, a record slip for a 1913 Edison cylinder recording of “Nearer, My God, to Thee”, featuring the “Bethany” version, states that “When the great steamship ‘Titanic’ sank in mid-ocean in April 1912, it was being played by the band and sung by the doomed passengers, even as the boat took her final plunge.”[32] George Orrell, the bandmaster of the rescue ship, RMS Carpathia, who spoke with survivors, related: “The ship’s band in any emergency is expected to play to calm the passengers. After the Titanic struck the iceberg the band began to play bright music, dance music, comic songs – anything that would prevent the passengers from becoming panic-stricken… various awe-stricken passengers began to think of the death that faced them and asked the bandmaster to play hymns. The one which appealed to all was ‘Nearer My God to Thee’.”[33]

“Nearer, My God, to Thee” was sung by the doomed crew and passengers of the SS Valencia as it sank off the Canadian coast in 1906, which may be the source of the Titaniclegend.[34]

Oh My Godfathers!

Who is he like? No, nSteve McQueen?ot my godfather – don’t think I have one – but it was a convenient expression to use for this blog post. I’m referring, in case you haven’t guessed, to our friend Roland (“Roly”) who is over from Australia at present. Do you think he resembles Steve McQueen?

Stevie

 

 

 

 

 

Stevie baby

 

 

 

 

 

Or is he more like another famous heartthrob from Hollywood? What about Paul Newman (a little later in life than the photograph below)?

 

5563415 (9021) Paul NEWMAN (*26.01.1925), amerikanischer Schauspieler, Rennfahrer und Unternehmer, Portrait bei den Dreharbeiten zu dem amerikanischen Spielfilm "Paris Blues", 1960, [SPERRVERMERKE BEACHTEN | PLEASE CHECK RESTRICTIONS! Nutzung nur mit Genehmigung und gegen Honorar, Beleg, Namensnennung und zu unseren AGB. Nur zur redaktionellen Verwendung. Honorare an: KEYSTONE Pressedienst, HASPA, BLZ 200 505 50, Kto. 1235130877], Innenaufnahme, s/w, 20. Jahrhundert, 60er Jahre, Portrait, Name= Newman, Paul, Personen, Schauspieler, Paris Blues, Querformat, raucht, rauchend, rauchen, Zigarette, a00689, amerikanischer, geb. 26.01.1925, Rennfahrer, Unternehmer

Or could it be Marlon Brando? Just think of the dashing Fletcher Christian in “The Mutiny on the Bounty” (1962)….

brando_3282486b

Brando-LS

 

 

 

 

 

Well, actually, I was thinking more along the lines of  “The Godfather”!

The other Godfather

“Want a nice horse?”

Oh yes, as well, they all have something else in common….

Clint

Come rain or shine….

Happiness is a rool-up

Happiness is a roll-up cigarette (not to be confused with “roll-mops”!)

 

 

Jet Streams and a New Pair of Legs

What weather! What skies! What lovely mornings and pretty sunsets on the terrace! And what of the “new pair of legs”? Well, they don’t belong to me (although my happy feet can be seen lolling on a chair in the photographs). No, the new legs to which I refer have come all the way from Australia (although mine also have come from Australia – just not recently); you might recognise that they are Roland’s. Our old friend wasn’t joking when he promised to bring the sunshine with him. And the people jetting off to other climes will be missing out on our perfect English summer.

“Avon Calling”

I rang the bell and called out loudly:

“Avon calling!”

Between twenty and thirty ramblers stopped in their tracks to turn around, then jump out of the way.

“Nice big bell,” admired one lady looking at my bell.

“I like your horn,” remarked a saucy woman a little farther on up the path. (Chris had sounded his horn after me.)

“I’ll have a ninety-nine,” quipped the bald man at the end and everyone laughed. (In case you don’t know much about quaint English customs and terminologies, a “ninety-nine” is a vanilla ice-cream with a chocolate Flake bar sticking out of it!)

I don’t always call out “Avon calling” after ringing my bell, sometimes it makes less of a door bell tone and more of a “na na” sound; therefore I’m apt to find myself singing, “Na na, na na na na naa, na na, na na na na na naa, na na, na na na na na, na na na,na na na naa.”

No, I’m not bananas! I’m singing the “Colonel Bogey March” – the theme whistled by the soldiers in the movie Bridge Over the River Kwai. And if you can’t remember it just click on the Youtube link below.

 

 

 

Bridge on the River Kwai Theme – YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83bmsluWHZc

12 Dec 2008 – Uploaded by ColdWarWarriors

Bridge on the River Kwai Theme from the movie. Category. Entertainment. License. Standard YouTube License …

History[edit] (From Wikipedia)

Since at that time service personnel were not encouraged to have professional lives outside the armed forces, British Army bandmaster F. J. Ricketts published “Colonel Bogey” and his other compositions under the pseudonym Kenneth Alford.[1] Supposedly, the tune was inspired by a military man and golfer who whistled a characteristic two-note phrase (a descending minor third interval About this sound Play ) instead of shouting “Fore!” It is this descending interval that begins each line of the melody. The name “Colonel Bogey” began in the later 19th century as the imaginary “standard opponent” of the Colonel Bogey scoring system,[2] and by Edwardian times the Colonel had been adopted by the golfing world as the presiding spirit of the course.[3] Edwardian golfers on both sides of the Atlantic often played matches against “Colonel Bogey.”[4] Bogey is now a golfing term meaning “one over par.”

Reception[edit]

The sheet music was a million-seller, and the march was recorded many times. At the start of World War II, “Colonel Bogey” became part of the British way of life when the tune was set to a popular song: “Hitler Has Only Got One Ball” (originally “Goering Has Only Got One Ball” after the Luftwaffe leader suffered a grievous groin injury, but later reworded to suit the popular taste), with the tune becoming an unofficial national anthem to rudeness.[5] “Colonel Bogey” was used as a march-past by the 10th and 50th Battalions of the Canadian Expeditionary Force,[6] the latter perpetuated today by The King’s Own Calgary Regiment (RCAC) of the Canadian Forces, who claim “Colonel Bogey” as their authorised march-past in quick time.

The tune is also used for a children’s song, Comet, that varies by locale, but typically goes something like: “Comet, it makes your teeth so green. Comet, it tastes like gasoline. Comet, it makes you vomit, so get some Comet and vomit today!”

The Colonel Bogey March melody was used for a song of The Women’s Army Corps, a branch of the U.S. Army from 1943 until its absorption into the regular Army in 1978. The lyrics written by Major Dorothy E. Nielsen (USAR) were this: “Duty is calling you and me, we have a date with destiny, ready, the WACs are ready, their pulse is steady a world to set free. Service, we’re in it heart and soul, victory is our only goal, we love our country’s honor and we’ll defend it against any foe.”[7]

The march has been used in German commercials for Underberg digestif bitter since the 1970s,[8] and has become a classic jingle there.[9]

The tune has been used in more than forty films, including The Love Race (1931), The Lady Vanishes (1938), The Mouse That Roared (1959), The Parent Trap (1961), and The Breakfast Club (1985).[10]

In The Simpsons episode “Stark Raving Dad”, Bart sings a tune reminiscent of the Comet tune with similar lyrics, “Lisa, her teeth are big and green. Lisa, she smells like gasoline. Lisa, da da da Disa. She is my sister, her birthday, I missed-a.”

In the opening scene and throughout the episode of the The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode “I Know Why The Caged Bird Screams”, Carlton and company sings the tune with alternative lyrics referring to the school mascot, “Peacocks! We’re marching down the field. Peacocks! And we refuse to yield! No one’s tougher, ‘Cause we are rougher! We are the Peacocks of ULA!” The song and “march” is called the “Peacock Strut” throughout the episode.

The melody was used in a scene in the film Spaceballs as small “Dinks” walk the desert singing the tune with only the word, “Dink” by themselves and again with the protagonists.

The Bridge on the River Kwai[edit]

English composer Malcolm Arnold added a counter-march, which he titled “The River Kwai March,” for the 1957 dramatic film The Bridge on the River Kwai, set during World War II. The two marches were recorded together by Mitch Miller as “March from the River Kwai – Colonel Bogey.” Consequently, the “Colonel Bogey March” is often mis-credited as “River Kwai March.” While Arnold did use “Colonel Bogey” in his score for the film, it was only the first theme and a bit of the second theme of “Colonel Bogey,” whistled unaccompanied by the British prisoners several times as they marched into the prison camp. Since the film depicted prisoners of war held under inhumane conditions by the Japanese, there was a diplomatic row in May 1980, when a military band played “Colonel Bogey” during a visit to Canada by Japanese prime minister Masayoshi Ōhira.[11]

That’s All Fokes!

You have to laugh at typos – don’t you? But what about “brainos”? (Braino is a new term coined by my husband Chris.” Brainos are a bit more embarrassing than typos because they indicate a certain lacking in the brain department of the writer, meaning that eider she (me) can’t spell or she isn’t paying due care and attention to the subject. In my case, I have been burdened by letting a howler “out there” in the Internet, not once but twice in the same sentence! You could say that I have “egg on my face”, especially as my cracking braino was meant to be the word for the golden inside of a duck egg:

“With extremely white shells and yokes that are very orange, ” I interrupted with a tone that denoted there was something wrong with alien white shells and large orange yokes.”

Whoops!

Still on the topic of those particular eggs… Apparently Germans do like duck eggs according to our lovely guest Monika but when I offered her more of them she declined saying, “One was quite big enough for us to share!”

So this lunchtime I made some delicious Australian pikelets (like small American pancakes).

“These are wonderful – as light as a feather,” enthused Chris.

“Delicious,” agreed our friend Jo who, a little later, was on a flying visit.

The pikelets flew off the plate.

” What is in them?” queried Jo.

“Well, as I had all these duck eggs I thought I’d use one duck egg and one chook egg,” I said opening the carton with the seven remaining huge white eggs, several of which were smeared with duck business. Incidentally, a chook is what we Aussies call a chicken.

I detected a look on Jo’s face that told me he wasn’t sure about duck eggs.

“They have really big orange yolks. Would you like some duck eggs to take home with you?” I asked.

“No thanks, but the pikelets were lovely,” Jo had regained his composure.

So if you’d like some duck eggs or some left over delicious pikelets do let me know. That’s all folks!

 

Only yoking!

Only Yoking!

Light as a feather, naturally

Light as a feather, naturally!

 

 

 

 

 

Empty Chairs and Empty Tables…

When the rest of us were all having a day of rest a good fairy by the name of Lizzie (one of my nieces and sister of the recent bride) went out to the farm and spent five hours cleaning and clearing up after the wedding reception on the previous day. Bless her! And she also joined us in the final clearance yesterday.

At last the work was finished and we all partook of the left-over cheese and biscuits, and roast beef, which had remained untouched, along with numerous cheese cakes, ice cream and other delights, in the two fridges. We washed lunch down with Sangria and beer (for the menfolk) and ended with cups of tea and coffee. It felt like another party. While I was taking after-the-ball photographs I was reminded of the sad song “Empty Chairs and Empty Tables” from “Les Miserables” but I wasn’t sad of course – just a bit flat after the excitement. We had had a ball.  “After the Ball” seemed rather more appropriate until I looked up the lyrics…

AFTER THE BALL

A little maiden climbed an old man’s knees—

Begged for a story: “Do uncle, please!

Why are you single, why live alone?

Have you no babies, have you no home?”

“I had a sweetheart, years, years ago,

Where she is now, pet, you will soon know;

List to the story, I’ll tell it all:

I believed her faithless after the ball.“

”Bright lights were flashing in the grand ballroom,

Softly the music playing sweet tunes.

There came my sweetheart, my love, my own,

‘I wish some water; leave me alone.’

When I returned, dear, there stood a man

Kissing my sweetheart as lovers can.

Down fell the glass, pet, broken, that’s all—

Just as my heart was after the ball.“

”Long years have passed, child, I have never wed,

True to my lost love though she is dead.

She tried to tell me, tried to explain—

I would not listen, pleadings were vain.

One day a letter came from that man;

He was her brother, the letter ran.

That’s why I’m lonely, no home at all—

I broke her heart, pet, after the ball.”

Chorus:

After the ball is over, after the break of morn,

After the dancers’ leaving, after the stars are gone,

Many a heart is aching, if you could read them all—

Source: Many the hopes that have vanished after the ball.

Ah, Ambrosia!

“I think I’ve developed an aversion to milk”, I said, pulling a face.

Chris and I were having breakfast at the time. I was about half-way through a bowl of “Maple and Pecan Crunch” cereal mixed with bran flakes (a nod to my slimming diet) when a wave of nausea hit me (must be sick of that diet!).

“I can’t finish this,” I continued, “but I won’t waste it. I’ll pop it, with an egg, into an old jam jar and take it to the dogs on Rosie’s farm. Egg-nog for dogs – they’ll love it!”

“Here,” began Chris, “you can add the rest of my milk, too.”

So I poured the lumpy mixture of half-eaten, milk-swollen cereals into a jar, added Chris’s left-over milk, then two eggs… I shook the concoction and opened the lid – the egg yokes floated unappetizingly in the pinkish-grey fluid and, yet again, I felt sick.

“I know it looks disgusting…” I paused as I pricked the yokes with a sharp knife.

“Yes,” Chris interrupted, “but presumably the dogs will think it’s ambrosia – the food of the dogs!”

 

And here is a typo from yesterday’s blog post that made me laugh. Freudian slip or what?

The slip!

As Beautiful as a Michelangelo Statue

“If only I had a spare five hundred pounds,” I said wistfully in bed recently.

At the time I was wearing my reading glasses and staring at my ankles. Now normally I don’t look at myself whilst wearing glasses (ignorance is bliss) but for whatever reason on this particular morning, such was the case.

“Oh, why’s that?” asked Chris, perhaps suddenly worried that I wished to take money out of our savings.

“Well, if I had five hundred pounds – I know it’s expensive – I could have my veins done,” I said pensively (if not searchingly).

“But you don’t have varicose veins – do you?” Chris tried to remember.

“Not exactly varicose but there are broken capillaries, especially on my right ankle. Haven’t you noticed them?” I queried.

“Not really,” said Chris, “but we all get a few blemishes as we get older. Anyway, I think you look like a Michelangelo statue.”

“Truly?” I simpered at the thought.

“Yes,” Chris paused and added, “and even some of those have veins!”