There is Nothing Like a Romantic Poem….

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A lover of romantic poetry

Barry Conelly, the elder son of our old neighbours from Gumdale, keeps in touch now and then with emails. He’s one of those “can do” Australian men who can build homes, fix cars, build boats, design buildings and build engines. Recently he’s been sending me poems – ah sweet! Firstly there was the funny poem about Bluey, The Retired Cattle Dog – he was right, I do love the Banjo Patterson style of humorous Aussie poetry – and then came the romantic poem by Pam Ayres. Of course, it is nothing like a romantic poem… and it’s a shade rude… but not too blue (or true blue, come to that).

 Romantic Poem by Pam Ayres

 

The missus bought a Paperback,
Down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Ethel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!

Watching Ethel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
“I am a dominator!!”

Now if you knew our Ethel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit,
I went to hold her, sensual like,
And stood on her left tit!

Ethel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!!”

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

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