I hate scales! I’m not referring to fish scales, of course, or “scales from the eyes” (although I do need enlightenment), or musical scales (they would be great… if only I were musical); not kitchen scales either (though occasionally I use them when making ultra light sponges); no, you know the ones I mean. So how can I keep putting on weight when I’m nearly always on a diet and going to the gym three or four times a week (lately, anyway)? After gingerly standing on the nasty bathroom scales this morning I felt quite out of sorts; no manner of position changing, standing on one foot or holding my breath made any difference.The unpleasant experience – and ensuing lack of food – left me feeling desperate all day.

It was a sunny start and I had intended to go for a cycle ride followed by a session at the gym but then I looked at our leaf-strewn and straggly-looking courtyard garden, the dirty outside steps and the bedraggled balcony garden… It was plain to see that my time would be better spent working on the jobs in dire need of attention. Besides which, there would be constant bending, lifting and going up and down stairs – like a long and arduous workout but with something to show at the end for all the effort .

“I’m going back on the Dukan Diet,” I announced to Chris as I went to the fridge and found some porridge left-over from yesterday.

“You are the only one with the gloomy view of you. The rest of us think you’re lovely and curvy,” Chris tried to cheer me up.

People always say you’re “lovely and curvy” when they mean fat but attractive in spite of the extra inches – don’t they? I’ve often thought I should live in Tonga or any of the Pacific islands, where I might be regarded as fairly slim, but then I’d never diet and I wouldn’t be relatively slim anymore.

Still I mustn’t be ungrateful because I’m really quite fit and healthy and have all my limbs (even though they ache after today’s toil). But I am going to stay on the protein based Dukan Diet for at least five days, two days longer than many other attempts, which will bring me to Friday night when we’re going to a dinner party! Apparently baked salmon is on the menu – I do hope there won’t be any scales. You know how I hate scales.

The Yukon Diet!