If you read my blog post, “The Cavewoman Diet” (published on the twenty-eighth of June this year), you may well have been wondering how I fared; indeed, you might imagine that by now I have achieved my goal and am currently looking like Raquel Welch and running around in a fur bikini. Well… I was terribly good and and the weight dropped off, one whole pound, and I thought I was on my way. I fought all manner of temptations for at least three days – or was it two?  By then my body had realised that I was trying to trick it into shedding weight and it wouldn’t give an inch! At last, after a great deal of self-denial and blue berries, which were rather expensive (the blackberries weren’t out yet), I must admit that I gave up and went onto another, less severe, diet.

Nearly four months on I feel obliged to report that I had a change of heart regards my role-model, which changed my line of thinking. And speaking of lines…. after seeing my screen idol Raquel Welch at seventy-something being interviewed on television I decided that, although beautiful and less lined than thirty years ago, she was a little too thin and “plastic” for my liking. Besides, what’s wrong with a more natural look?

Yes, I am thrilled to be able to tell you that my current new diet fad has been incredibly successful. The “FAST Diet” is the natural way to becoming the new natural you. Don’t worry, there is no fasting involved, nor, indeed, is it particularly speedy. “FAST” is an acronym for Fatty Arbuckle’s Sister Tubby, not to be confused with “The BBC Diet” (Billy Bunter’s Culinary Diet). The diet requires you to avoid bread, butter, potatoes and all sugary foods including cakes and biscuits, unless, of course, there is nothing else in the house, or you’re dining out, or just plain starving.

My new role model, Tubby Arbuckle, is pleasantly chubby, will outlast Raquel in times of famine, and doesn’t need plastic surgery because her pretty round face is filled out like a moon.

Confidentially, (if that’s possible with a blog), I hope not to become quite as rotund as Tubby or her brother Fatty Arbuckle! And if you’re unfamiliar with the name Arbuckle, Fatty Arbuckle was a silent movie star.