“You must be highly regarded,” I called out over the barbed wire fence. At the time I was walking along the drive to the big gates of the new property where Roland has been working recently.

“Moo, moo,moo moooo – why is that then?” (Moo translation), asked the largest of the cows, looking up at me (the driveway was above them).

“Because you have your own milking shed in the form of a picturesque little Bali Hut and you have your own swimming pool,” I said, taking out my mobile phone camera.

“Moo, moo, moo etc… – don’t be daft! Just look at the size of us! We’re of a rare breed – we don’t provide milk, except to our offspring. Yes, we are much admired but the main drawback is that our calves are very valuable and don’t stay with us long, especially if they are redheaded,” continued the garrulous cow.

“What are those two silver buckets for then?” I inquired.

“What’s a bucket?” asked the cow.

“Never mind,” I uttered intolerantly. Well it was hot out in the sunshine at eighty-thirty this morning and I wasn’t planning to stay there all day teaching her new words. “I take it the red calves are rarer?” I turned the conversation around to safe ground.

“Moo – yes,” she said succinctly and left it at that (obviously a sore subject).

“It’s a great spot here,” I tried to perk her up.

“I suppose so,” she said despondently, “but we’re rather disappointed…”

“Why is that?, ” I asked surprised.

“Moo, moo,moo – well, you’d think they would line the swimming pool, wouldn’t you?I can tell you that we haven’t been swimming once! Also, they started building the house nearly two years ago and it’s still not finished.”

“These massive constructions must take a lot more time to build than conventional timber-framed houses like the old Queenslander style. Then there are all the high-tech modern gismos to be installed…You know ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’. Oh, sorry, I don’t suppose you do know about Rome?”

“Yes, of course, we heard about Rome the other day, on the electrician’s radio. We could do with some nice clean Roman baths here!” said the smiling cow (chuffed that she knew about Rome, if not silver buckets “Whatever they are!”).

“I must be off,” I offered.

“Do you know what really gets to me?”  the cow reverted back to her woeful mood and gave me a ‘cow eyes’ look.

“No, what?” I started walking to let her know that I couldn’t stand around all day chatting.

“We were hoping to move in for Christmas!”

And if you don’t believe me… here is photographic evidence.