Thanks again to Roland (alias “Bird-man from Brisbane”) for another dose of laughter.
The Three-Legged Chickens
After many years of breeding chickens a chicken farmer finally managed to breed a three-legged variety. Of course, the farmer was exceptionally proud of his achievement and the news spread far and wide. Before long a reporter from one of the tabloid newspapers came to the farm to verify the story and turn it into a sensational news item.
Sure enough, the reporter found hundreds of three-legged chickens running around the vast chicken run. They were a little taller than regular chickens and, when they ran, it looked as though their feet were making circular motions not dissimilar to Roadrunner (from the old cartoon).
“That’s really amazing,” said the journalist, “but, tell me, how do they taste? Are they any different to normal chickens?”
“Well,” began the farmer, “I don’t rightly know. You see, I haven’t been able to catch any yet!”
The Continentals
A Frenchman, an Italian and an Englishman got into conversation at the poolside bar of their hotel in Nerja, Southern Spain, where they were holidaying with their young wives.
The Frenchman, no doubt aware of the reputation of his kinsmen for being the worlds best lovers, decided to show off.
“Ah, mes amis,” said the Frenchman, “‘ow many times do you sink I made passionate love to my wife last night? Five times! Chantal was so, ‘ow you say – ‘appy’ zat she made the crepe choclat pour mon breakfast merveilleux!”
“Si, five times is a good…but six times is a even better!” said the Italian with a twinkle in his eye. “My bella Maria, she was a so thrilled with my passion that she gotta outa da bed while I was a still asleep and she make me da fantastic breakfast of ham, tomato and olives on bread like a Mama used to make.”
“Hey, English boy,” the Frenchman turned to the Englishman [sure of a response that would repair his tattered ego], “‘Ow many times did you make love last night?”
“Just the once,” came the reply.
The Frenchman and Italian looked knowingly at one another.
“And what did she a make you for a breakfast?” asked the Italian.
“Nothing,” said the Englishman and the other two men sniggered.
“Oh, I suggested that we go out for breakfast,” the Englishman added,”but Vanessa implored me not to stop…”
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And for all you romantics here are the lyrics to the old song “The Continental”….
Beautiful music, dangerous rhythm
It’s something daring, the continental
A way of dancing, that’s really ultra-new
It’s very subtle, the continental
Because it does what you want it to do
It has a passion, the continental
An invitation to moonlight and romance
It’s quite the fashion, the continental
Because you tell of your love while you dance
Your lips whisper so tenderly
Her eyes answer your song
Two bodies swing, the continental
And you are saying just what you’re thinking of
So keep on dancing, the continental
For it’s the song of romance and of love
You kiss while you’re dancing
It’s continental, it’s continental
You sing while you’re dancing
Your voice is gentle and sentimental
You’ll know before the dance is through
That you’re in love with her and she’s in love with you
And you’ll find while you’re dancing
That there’s a rhythm in your heart and soul
A certain rhythm that you can’t control
And you will do the continental all the time
Beautiful music, dangerous rhythm
Beautiful music, dangerous rhythm