To tell you the truth I had been noticing some new lines recently so I was very pleased when my beautiful friend Caroline, who lives two doors up, called in with “a little present” for me a few days ago.

“It’s a special vitamin E serum for wrinkles,” Caroline said, handing me the pink bottle with the eyedropper top (which made it look very serious in a scientific way, if you know what I mean).

“Is this what you use?” I asked hopefully (she looked radiant and relatively wrinkle-free).

“No, I bought it for myself but I didn’t like it as much as my old one, but I thought you might like to try it…”

Overwhelmed with the urge to begin the treatment straight away, I immediately opened the bottle and pressed out half an eyedropper of serum onto my troublesome areas; a big drop ran down from my forehead and plopped into my left eye… making me squint.

“It’s really a night treatment,” said Caroline.

“I need all the help I can get,” I replied squinting (which Caroline may have thought was a wink!).

“Oh… I can see it being absorbed into your skin,” my friend looked with interest, “it doesn’t do that with my skin – it just sits there rather oily.”

Throughout the day, when Caroline had gone and I was painting back at the easel, and listening to a free audio-book version of “My Man Jeeves” by P.G.Wodehouse (very funny!), I stopped now and then to apply another drop or two of serum. The hair that fell upon my face seemed to get a bit greasy but my face was lovely and soft. I kept applying the serum.

At some point I had to nip over to see my other friend Catherine, who lives two doors down, the other way. Catherine and her daughter both came to the doorstep as I was leaving. I was about to give young Jessie a kiss goodbye when, luckily, I noticed a thin thread of mucus, still attached to my nose, was dangling in the air. I wiped it hastily with the back of my sleeve (no hanky) and hoped no-one would see. Young people have great sight. I caught her looking.

“Oh sorry. Don’t worry Jess, I won’t kiss you just now,” I laughed it off.

(“That’s funny”, I thought, “I haven’t got a cold.”)

To be honest (although I don’t why I should), I’m not so sure that my appearance has improved since I’ve been using the special serum day and night during the last few days. You see, my eyes have been smarting so much that I can’t really see if the lines are going – in fact, I suspect all the squinting might have caused some more – and my nose is running, and I’m sniffing and blowing… and I don’t even have a cold. And my hair is lank. And I’m not taking any more chances with kissing hello or goodbye (you will be glad to note). And I look like a red-eyed panda (from rubbing my eyes when wearing eyeliner and mascara). Yes, I think I’m allergic to that serum (or else it’s made from extract of onion). Shall I tell Caroline? Well, that all depends on whether or not she reads this…