No, I’m not joking about the Peter, Paul and Mary song of the same name as my blog post title, this is another joke from Roland in Brisbane (as ever). However, I’ll paste the lyrics of the song at the end of the joke.
If I had a Hammer
The judge looked at the man stood in the dock.
“You are accused of attacking the landlord of ‘The Carpenters Arms’ public house with a hammer,” began the judge.
“Liar, liar!” came a voice from the back of the court, “It’s all lies!”
The judge ignored the interruption and continued:
“You are also accused of attacking a bartender at ‘The Carpenters Arms’ with a hammer on the same night.”
“You big liar! You big liar!” shouted the man at the back of the court.
The judge paused meaningfully, gave the man a look that could kill, and continued his address:
“Not only that, you are accused of taking the same hammer to attack the policeman who was called to the scene to intervene…”
“You big, big liar! You great big hairy liar!” shouted the incensed man at the back of the court.
“And who,” the judge inquired with a sneer, “are you?”
The man stood up.
“I have lived next door to the accused for all of ten years now and I know for certain that my neighbour is incapable of committing the crime he is accused of.”
“And how do you know that, pray tell?” asked the judge.
“Well, your Lordship, every time I ask to borrow his hammer he tells me he doesn’t have a hammer!”
from Around the Campfire
If I had a hammer,
I’d hammer in the morning,
I’d hammer in the evening,
All over this land,
I’d hammer out danger,
I’d hammer out a warning,
I’d hammer out love between,
My brothers and my sisters,
All over this land.
If I had a bell,
I’d ring it in the morning,
I’d ring it in the evening,
All over this land,
I’d ring out danger,
I’d ring out a warning,
I’d ring out love between,
My brothers and my sisters,
All over this land.
If I had a song
I’d sing it in the morning
I’d sing it in the evening
all over this land
I’d sing out danger
I’d sing out a warning
I’d sing out love between
my brothers and my sisters
all over this land
Well, I’ve got a hammer
and I’ve got a bell
and I’ve got a song to sing
all over this land
It’s the hammer of justice
It’s the bell of freedom
It’s a song about love between my
brothers and my sisters
all over this land
It’s the hammer of justice
It’s the bell of freedom
It’s a song about love between my brothers and my
sisters
All over this la-a-and
Songwriters
LEE HAYS, PETE SEEGER
Published by
Lyrics © T.R.O. INC.
Read more: Peter, Paul & Mary – If I Had A Hammer Lyrics | MetroLyrics
That’s a banging good joke..you nailed it in one!
I’m so pleased that you didn’t get board, otherwise you might have felt like going to the pub to get hammered!
Love what you said!!!!! One word apt as my other half arrives tonight. (Had trouble hiw to word!!!!!)
Chris says you haven’t made it exactly plane as to hiw he is – not Hugh by any chance? (Oh love of a different hue!) I grant that I may be wrong but I hope that you will have a nice time and won’t get either hammered or board!!!