Cheryl’s father-in-law is ninety, lives in an old people’s home, and is not even in good shape for a man of his years. In fact (well, according to Cheryl) he isn’t at all handsome, has bad hips, wonky knees, and he sits around eating all day long (food is his only interest these days); therefore he has become a tad corpulent, especially around the middle, and with his frail legs… well, you understand he can’t walk it off so he sits around all day. He would be incredibly bored it if weren’t for his growing interest in food.

In case you’re wondering, I have known Cheryl – married to Rod (of the rotund nonagenarian dad with the bad legs) – since our primary school days; she was in my sister Mary’s class and later we all went to Wynnum High School and that’s when my friend Lorelle met her first. We’ve all kept in touch and I’m happy to report that we girls are faring much better than Rod’s dad, by the sound of it. Apparently, Cheryl’s husband overheard a deeply disturbing one-way telephone conversation this morning. It went something like this:

“Hello Dad! News? Really? How exciting, yes I’m all ears.

Yes, I’m already sat down. Hey, why should I be sat down? Is there something wrong? That’s a relief… yes, go on.

Yes, I remember the pretty chaplain at your old people’s home. Isn’t her name Janet? No, I didn’t know she was single. You’ve asked her what? To marry you? You? But you’re so… so… um… um… so much older. You must be at least thirty years older. Oh, thirty-six! Honestly Dad, if you’ll forgive me for saying so, I think you’re making an old fool of yourself. What will Janet think? I hope she didn’t take you seriously.

She’s what? Doing cartwheels? She can’t have accepted! Oh, Janet likes older men does she?. But you’re ninety, you can hardly walk, you’re fat – forgive me for being blunt – and you have no interests in life anymore… Yes, I know, Dad – apart from food.

She wants you to move out and live with her at her place? Janet will do all the cooking? You won’t have to do a thing, not even get out of your armchair to do the washing up? Yes, of course her legs and hips are alright – she’s thirty-six years younger than you!

Do I think Rod will be shocked at your news? Well, I’m looking straight at him and he looks pretty shocked to me. He’s coming to the phone….”

“Now don’t go getting yourself stressed out,” Cheryl said, passing the phone to Rod.

“Dad, have you gone out of your mind?” Rod asked. “Dad, Dad, what do you think you are doing? Dad, Dad, are you there Dad?”

“April fool!” laughed Cheryl. She had called the house-phone on her mobile. “Think I’ll call our sister-in-law and pass on the good news.”

And I believe that is exactly what our old school friend did.