Thanks for this new joke go to Roly (from Brisbane).

The Drunkard Wants a Drink

A drunk nearly fell in through the doorway of an Aussie pub. Swaying and holding on to tabletops and chairbacks for support, he made his way up to the bar.

“I’ll have a… a… cold pint a lager…pleash,” he slurred.

“Nah, sorry mate, but I’m not going to serve you,” said the barman in a matter-of-fact manner.

“Aw, why’s that?” the drunk tried hard not to be distracted by the corks dangling from his hat.

“Because you’re drunk mate. Now you just go on out through the door and come back another day,” the barman said kindly.

“I’m not drunk…” the drunk steadied himself at the bar.

“Yes you are. Now go on out through that door.”

“If… if… hic…. you inshist,” the drunk turned, and teetering, stumbled his way to the door.

The drunk opened the door, turned to his right, and staggered along the pavement. He found a pub door and opened it. For a few moments he stopped to disentangle one of the strings to his vest, which had caught on the handle, and he rocked from side to side as made his way to the bar.

“Give me a pint a lager pleash,” he said to the barman.

“You’ve got to be joking mate! I’m not serving you,” answered the barman.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re drunk, and we don’t serve drunks,” said the barman firmly.

“Aw, go on… pleash mate. I’m not drunk,” the drunk leaned forward putting his forearm on the bar and the corks on his hat made circles, which he followed with his eyes, independently.

“Now be a good mate and go out through that door before we have any trouble,” said the barman in a tone that would brook no argument.

The drunk clicked his teeth (those that he had left) and followed the barman’s advice. Eventually, he made it to the door and went out onto the pavement. This time he turned left and, rocking and swaying, he staggered along the pavement until he came to a pub door. He went inside and made his way up to the bar where he met the barman.

“Hey,” said the drunk, “how many pubs do you work in?”