“Surely I must be smarter than a donkey…” I reasoned with myself. (In case you’re wondering, I am filling in for Mary as Rosie’s farm-sitter while she is away.)

  Apparently not. I was stood there in the stables looking at a donkey who would not budge; I had tried the carrot and now I was considering the stick, not to hit with (if it could be avoided) but to use as a shepherd’s crook.

  If only I hadn’t decided to be nice and get the donkeys a bucket of fresh water (would the old water, with ten ton of hay in it, really have killed them?)… If only I hadn’t left the gate ever so slightly ajar while I fetched the water… Those two clever donkeys must have eyesight like hawks; they had seen their opportunity from quite a way off and bolted across the field to the side door that opens into their quarters in the stables. I dropped the gorilla bucket when I heard them running on the concrete floor and I stepped out in front of them to head them off… They squeezed by me and continued running into the farmyard.

  “Better not run after them,” I thought, “otherwise they’ll have me chasing them all over the farm!”

  That’s when I used the carrots to entice them back into the stables. They seemed to know that it was a ploy but they were tempted, all the same, and they met me at the threshold. I noticed a horse’s tether hanging on a hook and with one hand I took it from the wall surreptitiously as, with the other I held out a big carrot. As the smaller donkey put her head forward to take the carrot I slipped the tether over her head and ears, and I pulled. Nothing doing. A donkey is rather a heavy animal to drag along.

  “Perhaps she’d prefer some nice fresh hay,” I considered.

  But how to keep her there whilst I ran for the hay? I tied Alfreda (I think that’s her name) to another hook on the wall and ran for the hay. The larger donkey had stopped in her tracks and looked on at our antics. I had the feeling that if I could get one donkey back in the other would soon follow.

  Back with some hay and the end of the rope once again in my control, I led her forward – by one step. Then I turned around and pulled her three steps further before she realised I was gaining ground. At this point she stopped, we looked each other in the eyes, and I deliberated over whether or not I could outsmart her. To be honest, it looked as though we were going to be there all day!

   I tied Alfreda to another wall hook (thank goodness there are so many in stables!) and I had to push past her in order to get into the food store where I remembered seeing some old curtain rails. I found the best way to hold it was not pointing forwards,as a jousting lance, but across, as a fence rail; I held it out in front of me in both hands and pushed. Remarkably, Alfreda, who had changed position to face me, now took two steps back… in the direction of her stable. Feeling more confident, I lurched my head forward, almost touching the donkey’s and I pushed with the white plastic curtain rail. Amazingly, Alfreda turned on her heels and went back to her quarters, from where I removed the tether and gave her a nice big carrot.

  The larger donkey, already missing her best friend, resisted only halfheartedly when I tried the same technique on her, and before long the two were once more together.

  The whole episode probably took almost an hour, which wasn’t too bad considering I might have been there indefinitely. I’m proud to be able to say that I feel like a proper farmer. I believe I earned the admiration of the two black Labradors, Inka and Malachi, who had witnessed the event. I can imagine what those lovely, intelligent dogs were thinking:

  “She may be a novice at farming but at least she’s smarter than a donkey!”