Late this afternoon three spiders met up on the newly painted (many times) railings at our house.

“Be that you, Ted?” called out the astute spider clinging on to the spindle painted in a paler aqua blue. (Well, they were born and bred in Dawlish so they have quite strong Devonshire accents!)

“That all depends…” answered Ted warily.

“On what?” Cyril asked angrily.

“On who you be,” Ted laughed because now he recognised Cyril from his tone (apparently, around here he is known as a grumpy character). “I knows yer, don’t ee worry, but I wouldn’ a known yer if twaddn’t fer yer grizzles. Why yer looks like the post yer standin’ on!”

“And I wouldn’t a known you if weren’t for your ugly face and yer big hairy legs!”

“Mary likes ’em – don’t ee Mary?” Ted looked over at his docile wife.

“Course I do, you big lummox,” said Mary lovingly.

“Well what do yer think of all this painting lark?,” continued Cyril, “I were almost fergetting the great kerfuffle of last year and ‘aving to grow out the Forget-me-not Blue on my back, and was just starting to think about findin’ a nice lady friend to share my life with, when it started happening all over again…”

“I do knows what yer means. First the brush off with a dustpan and brush – Mary and me were luckier ‘an some, we were sent swinging into a nice geranium – and then, when we thinks that it were safe to come home and rebuild, we each gets hit with a gert big dollop of Barley Blue,” said Ted.

“But ‘ee has a bit o’ Beach Blue on yer too, iffen I know my colours aright,” clever Cyril observed before Ted had a chance go on and on.

“That be true. There certainly be another colour on me – I be Two-Tone-Ted – jus’ not from Teddington. But I bain’t be sure what colour it be… I heard mention of Sea Grass blue but I don’t care,” said Ted.

“Yer don’t care?” Cyril was incredulous.

“No I don’t!”

“Yer don’t care? Why ever not?”

“Mary likes it,” Ted smiled at Mary whose face blushed unseen under a splodge of Barley Blue.

“Now how on Earth can she like it?” Cyril was exasperated.

“Mary says it hides my greys and I look younger!”

Well, I just hope that all the surviving spiders are as happy as Ted and Mary. I like to think so.