When I married Chris sixteen years ago I gave up one unusual name for another; or rather, I kept my old one – everyone knows me as Sally Porch the artist (eventually they got used to Porch) and gained another. I don’t know why people have such difficulty with Orpwood; it’s easy enough to read – isn’t it? Now I know that hearing it is another matter – people always think our name is “Awkward” and they think they are being original when they tell us what they thought it was, and we laugh along with them; or sometimes we get in first. You could say that we have an awkward name.

As you can imagine, we awkward Orpwoods hate having to tell people our name, but wouldn’t you think that writing it would alleviate the awkwardness of having to say it (usually twice or three times)? Not really. Most folk can’t get their heads around our written name either! Chris has been called Mr. Dropwood, Mr. Dripwood, Dr. P. Wood and countless other variations of nonsense.

Last Friday Chris and I went shopping with my mum to Trago Mills (the store that sells everything) and, having decided upon the colour of paint to buy for the railings on our newly-tiled steps, Mum and I left Chris to arrange for the collection of it. In order to collect items from D.I.Y Collections area with your car you have to have a special receipt chit with your name on it. Apparently, so Chris told me (I wasn’t there), this is what happened at the paint counter…

As per usual, Chris had to give his name; and, as per usual, he spelled it out to the man at the counter…

“That’s O-R-P, for Peter, W-O-O-D.” (I know because that’s what Chris has said for the last seventeen years or so, since I have known him.)

“Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me asking,” said the man from the paint department, “but you don’t look at all Oriental to me. Are you from the Far East?”

“No,” answered Chris amused and somewhat surprised (nobody had ever asked that of my blue-eyed blond husband before).

“No, I didn’t think so, but it’s your name that foxes me,” began the perplexed paint seller, “you see I worked for a couple of years in the Far East and came across quite a few Woos in my time there, but never any Orpwoos…”

Chris explained, as we always have to, and this time Chris laughed with genuine mirth. Sometimes it’s not so bad having a funny name.