What are you to do when you’ve had a shower, just applied your “Summer Glow”, all over fake tan and moisturiser (to give the illusion of a slimmer you), and your husband calls you to breakfast? Do you throw on some underwear and chance the prospect of the “Summer glow” turning your white bra and panties a “natural” golden brown? Or do you ruin your favourite pink towel by wrapping it around your still shimmering, highly moisturised body? Or do you brazen it out?

So this morning I breezed into the kitchen in a somewhat nonchalant manner designed not to draw any attention to myself. As you might have guessed, I was quite as naked as the day I was born (just rather a lot bigger and heavier, but nice and glowing), and I sat down at the table in my usual chair opposite Chris. Without saying anything, he looked me over in an exaggerated fashion and smiled like the cat who got the cream.

“What’s up?” I challenged.

“I like it,” he said, then he laughed heartily. “You know, I thought you might say, ‘I haven’t had any objections so far’, and then I wondered about that sentence. Who are the people who would dare to object? And where would they go to register their objections?”

Incidentally, Chris confirmed that he’s in favour of a nice fake tan. And why wouldn’t he? I haven’t had any objections so far!