It was the worst of times, it was the best of times, it was the age of strangeness all round.  Would it be altogether too flippant of me, while the weather rampages my home town of Dawlish, to tell you a nice little secret about my temporary home in Australia? Chris and all my family, neighbours and friends back home are safe and well, if disconcerted about the freakish weather and its consequences, like the railway line hanging in mid air (as described by Chris in my previous blog post); perhaps it is good to brighten the mood with a little levity.

“Help yourself to anything in the cupboards and everything in the fridge and freezer,” Sue had said emphatically before leaving on her interstate caravanning adventure with Glenn, “Things will go to waste if you don’t use them.”

At least an hour had passed since their departure before I checked out the fridge and took a fleeting glance in the pantry.

“One or each of them is a ‘sweet tooth'”, I thought to myself as I noticed, amongst all the condiments, dressings and healthy tidbits, there were four chocolate Matchsticks on a plastic tray and an almost finished bar of chocolate caramel (which I sampled despite not really being a fan of milk chocolate).

On a different shelf on the other side of the fridge were two packets of opened – not quite finished – biscuits; Lemon Crisps and chocolate shortcake triangles – none of which are my favourites (and anyway, I don’t eat biscuits because I am always on a diet).

“Sue and Glenn are always on a diet, like you,” my old friend Roland had told me.

Towards the end of my first day I had sampled the Lemon Crisp biscuits and, surprisingly, found the salty sweetness quite to my taste. By the end of my second day, on account of all the energy I had expended whilst cycling and swimming, the Matchsticks disappeared completely (apart from the unopened packet underneath the opened packet) and I was happy to be rid of the temptation every time I opened the fridge – after all, I am on a diet.

Today was my third day, a day of arduous hoovering (the suction is terrific and terrifying!), and it was overcast; in fact, I was going to take my bike out but it rained and I did a bit more housework instead. In between wiping down worktops I occasionally found myself in the fridge again, and the last few squares of chocolate caramel went the same way as the Matchsticks. Once again, I was thoroughly pleased to be rid of temptation (even though I don’t care for milk chocolate). Truth to tell, the milk chocolate shortcake triangles weren’t as bad as I anticipated either (but there are still some left… probably for tomorrow).

Come dinner time I was not particularly hungry, strangely enough, however I thought I had better concoct a light meal for myself to curb any hunger pangs later on (otherwise I might go mad and eat the wrong things). I went to the pantry in search of inspiration. On the highest shelf was a glass cannister containing pasta shells and twists.

“I know,” I thought, “I’ll cook up some pasta shells with diced tomatoes and onions, nice and healthy.”

As I took down the jar, another larger glass cannister was revealed – it was filled to the brim with individually wrapped chocolates of all descriptions. Horrified, I returned the pasta jar to its position as soon as possible.

My dinner was rather bland, fat-less, sugarless and unappetising (in spite of all the herbs and seasoning), which is a shame because there is enough left for lunch tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day I start my diet in earnest, honestly; those biscuits are going into the bin right now. I don’t even have a sweet tooth and I hate milk chocolate…. It’s funny how  I am always on diet – just like Sue and Glenn, according to Roland.