It is our youngest daughter’s birthday today. Happy birthday Bobbie! But don’t come for dinner. Well, she could come… You could come too… Anyone could come. All I can say is that you wouldn’t want to come to dinner. Why not? You haven’t looked in my fridge – if you had you would see why – everything is so darned healthy and uninviting!
Having put on a little weight mysteriously recently (in spite of being on the Dukan diet again – permanently) I have done such a thorough job of not having any nice food in the house that I can’t find anything to eat, or rather, anything I would want to eat. I have been to the refrigerator several times already this morning and had to walk away empty-handed. I’m fed up with cold meats and salad. It’s nearly winter for goodness sake!
Eventually, I became so overcome with hunger that I had to extend my search to the cupboards too. I rejected all manner of dried things like pasta (fed up with Italian food after the full on Italian fare all last week), noodles and rice, not only because of the naughty carbohydrates but also because I would have had to resort to cooking. For my quick-fix I settled for tuna in a little low-calorie mayonnaise (how vile!), on a bed of finely cut lettuce mixed with baby spinach leaves, beetroot leaves (pretty but horrible) and watercress. It looked quite nice. It wasn’t very nice or unctuous (not at all actually) because the tuna was in brine, not oil, and the mayonnaise was kind of gummy, not oily, and all I could taste was the overwhelming flavour of watercress, which I thought I liked…but I don’t. I thought I liked tuna too – not any more, I don’t. It was quite as unpalatable on a cold day as it sounds.
Irked, but still hungry, I looked for something relatively sweet. Yesterday both Chris and I had sneered at an inferior apple strudel with cardboard-like, fat-free pastry and hard pieces of apple (not of the cooking variety) without sugar…. today I eyed it up anew and popped it in the microwave. It wasn’t too bad with a dollop of fake, non-dairy cream, and a sprinkle of castor sugar. But now it has all gone and there is absolutely nothing remotely nice in the refrigerator.
There is nothing for it, I’m going to have to make a cake for Bobbie’s birthday. So if you want to come for dinner please be prepared because there will not be any dinner as such, I shall be like Marie Antoinette and say, “Let them eat cake”. However, it will be an exceedingly delicious cake.