I’ve seen a lot of things in my time but today… well… my goodness… I could hardly believe my eyes! There I was, cycling happily along with Chris – we had just come off the bridle path, onto the main road at Dawlish Warren (which is our local holiday resort for campers, caravanners and holiday chalet-goers) – and there were not too many people around because most children have gone back to school this week; when I couldn’t help but notice a lady with a small child. The woman wasn’t particularly old, in her fifties or early sixties perhaps, not an age group one would necessarily associate with fashion faux pas, if indeed, one could call what she wore a fashion at all. And yet, she must have bought that outfit from somewhere… but definitely not together.

Now I’m not a great fan of leggings myself, and nor am I a follower of fashion or a trend-setter (I like a comfy pair of shorts on summer days, even if I do have chubby legs), but even so, I have an idea of what does and does not go together. Surely leggings are designed to be worn underneath a longer garment? To be honest, I was so taken aback that I cannot even be certain that the opaque white monstrosities on the woman’s legs were leggings – they might have been white tights! Worse still, she wore a thin white stretchy vest on her top half… and had it tucked into the top of the tights/leggings. The lady would have looked peculiar even if she had been ultra-slim but she was not. Sadly, she must have weighed nearly twenty stones, every ounce of which was on full display (as were her pants and bra, barely veiled under the taut lycra-mix material). She was no shrinking violet either, for her hair was dyed a letter-box red, making her head look like a warning beacon.

Now that I come to think about it, I recall seeing a photograph in the paper recently of a famous pop star wearing only a pink bra and black see-through tights as she arrived off a plane at Heathrow. That must be it… the “Michelin-Man” style, middle-aged fashionista was emulating her idol – Lady Gaga! Or maybe she has simply gone a bit gaga…