Chris and I usually take a while over breakfast (meagre as it is nowadays); it’s one of those times when we discuss any little problems and what we’re going to do for the rest of the day. This morning we talked about our recent switch from meat to beans – our leanings change from meat to beans like the wind (don’t mention that word!) – and we bemoaned the fact that we both managed to put on weight overnight in spite of the fact that we hardly ate anything yesterday (a few bran flakes in a small cereal bowl for my breakfast, my famous veggie bean dish in tiny bowls for our lunch, one slice each of cheese on toast for tea and…half a giant bar of dark chocolate for supper!). We simply can’t understand it!

We’re having visitors this weekend and Chris had  promised me previously that he would have the new en-suite shower ready for use by then; the trouble is that he’s not really a plumber – he’s an ideas and marketing man – so he has to work things out for himself, having taken the appropriate books on plumbing out of the library. Last Saturday one of my nephews vexed us slightly by talking about “Health and Safety” issues (he works in “Planning” for a town council), which we will, of course, uphold to the letter (in case you’re reading this, Bob). Luckily, Chris is clever, and  over breakfast he assured me that the problem with the fitting of the shower, which kept him up very late last night, will be surmountable providing there is enough pipe, enough space, the fastest drying sealant, the right screws and he can jiggle it somehow (if I understand him correctly, which would be a first!). Anyway, you kind of get the picture, I hope.

So we were at the table, having our bran and oats for breakfast; we neighed and mooed a little and we discussed the problems concerning our diet, the beans (we’re going to give them a miss today – more dark chocolate please, because it’s healthy), the shower, and the Health and Safety issues (probably need to have the gas boiler serviced soon too). Suddenly Chris laughed and said…

“I think I have ze ultimate solution… Forget girlie boot camps! Why don’t we concentrate on a camp for slimmers? We’ll focus on ‘Belsen Beaux’; the fire-guards will protect with paint-ball guns; the safe-guards will dampen their spirits; barbed commandants will keep them within parameters; your bean dishe swill, at the same time, keep them going and entertained – ‘Gone Like the Wind’; any complaints about the beds will be ‘hard to bear’; and with a bit of luck the slimmers might decide to forgo their daily showers…”

Chris will say anything to get out of tackling a little plumbing job! Luckily for our guests coming this weekend I have read about “pester power”. But perhaps I’ll tell you more about that another time…