How can it be? How can it really be that after all that exercise and starvation yesterday, all the willpower and all that positive thinking, all the prodding and smoothing of my newly skinny, honed body as I laid in bed this morning excited to get up and jump on the scales, that after all that I’ haven’t lost anything! In fact it’s worse – I’ve put on a pound! But it has happened before. In the past I’ve often thought, “What’s the point? I may as well eat what I want and gain a pound,” which is exactly what I did. Not now, you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve learnt the error of my ways (hopefully) and I shall be sticking to the straight and narrow at least until our next lot of guests arrive in less than a week.

I’d love to tell you what I weigh so that you could experience the vicarious pleasure of weight loss with me but unfortunately, my weight shall have to remain a guarded secret for time being. Why? If you have to ask that question you must be a slimjim. Well,  as an old school friend said to me once, “I don’t want to, I don’t have to and I ain’t gonna!”