You might have guessed by the title that I’m dieting again, in between visitors. You know how it is – you feed up your guests with lovely home-cooked food (that you never make at any other time) like lovely new potatoes, roast potatoes, chips and puddings, not to mention fresh crusty loaves and butter with everything. Somehow, even though you have no intention of joining them in these feasts, you succomb to the pressure from all around you, such as, “Aren’t you having any fried breakfast, Sally? Do you really enjoy whole grain porridge every day?”  Actually, I hate whole grain porridge every day – I don’t even like the brown colour so I say, “Well, if you put it like that perhaps I’ll have a rasher of bacon and a few beans – no egg or fried bread – mind you, would a tiny piece make a difference do you think?” One piece wouldn’t make any difference but the longer your guests stay, the greater the difference.

That’s why I’m back on the Dukan diet (two days now and I’ve lost one pound – it was like pulling hen’s teeth out) and a very vigorous exercise and fitness regime. Yesterday it was a nice cycle ride in the morning followed by an exercise class at the gym in the evening (lots of nasty sit-up types of things); today we cycled again in the morning (I pushed myself to keep on the bike for longer than usual going up the hills) and I went to the gym again at six tonight. I thought the new pilates class was to start at six but it was six-thirty so instead of going home and coming out again I used the rowing machines and static bikes for half an hour. I was feeling fine during the pilates session, which is different to yoga because you have to breathe the opposite way (suited me down to the ground because I always used to breathe the wrong way when I did yoga!), and then I hurredly changed into my togs for an hour of aquacise. I twisted in the water to “Twist Again” and kicked and turned to “Rock Around the Clock” with great gusto and vigour.

All went well until the last ten minutes when Roy Orbison’s song, “Cry…iy…y…ing” came on for the cool down; then there was the lovely warm shower (I pressed the flow button four times for a shower twice as long as my usual) and I nearly fell asleep. My intended jog home began with a spurt that petered out in three seconds flat (and it’s all downhill from the Leisure Centre to the main road), and by the time I was almost home my thighs felt like lead and my empty stomach ached inside and out; I crossed the road in a kind of slow motion dream and hoped that I wouldn’t get run over by an aged cyclist riding up the hill. Luckily, she didn’t rev up and I made it. Still haven’t had any dinner though – I’ve been savouring the moment until I could close down my laptop and put my feet up. I’m so looking forward to a piece of cold chicken and lettuce leaves.

I hope the next lot of visitors (coming in under a week) will be totally unaware of all my trials and tribulations, after all I’m aiming to be the same size as I was when they saw me last three months ago. I wish we had fat guests so that I could give them all whole grain porridge for breakfast…